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Date: 20 September 2009
Place: DNA Lounge, 375 11th Street, SF CA
Event: Apoptygma Berzerk (with guests)
The challenge:
Transport one visually impaired, neuroses-ridden, angsty fan from Point A (Let's call it Berkeley-ish, East Bay) to Point B (venue, as listed above, located who-the-hell-knows-where San Francisco) in time for VIP meet and greet, sound check and acoustic session.
The History:
When faced with ambulatory requirements that do not involve someone coming to my house to pick me up, I go all hermit-y and refuse to leave the house. Clammy palms, cold sweat, shakes, hiding underneath bed, pretty much the definition of agoraphobia. When one's world shrinks without adequate understanding of how or why it's happening one tends to do the natural thing: hide.
The Outcome:
WIN and oh so much more WIN than I ever could have imagined :-)
The Story:
I almost didn't leave the house.
About four hours before I was to toddle out the door to walk the 3/4 mile to the train station I started to feel it: the rush of nervous adrenalin, the clammy palms, cold sweat, racing mind, all signs of a guy afraid to get out there. The knowledge of what these symptoms meant did nothing to deter the mind from trying to talk the host body out of walking out that door. Any excuse would do.
After showering, dressing, getting my things together I could still feel myself wanting to retreat back into hermit mode. As the time drew nigh and sensing this pattern about to achieve victory once again I picked up my phone and dialed up my daughter. I would use a phone conversation to psyche myself out of psyching myself out of going. So as I locked my front door I called Da B and she took me down one block. Then to the light. Then up the street to the next light. Then to the train station. The train station was my self-designated Point of No Return so I thanked B for her help and set about getting to the Big Scary City.
If anyone deserves credit for getting me over the mental hump, it's B.
BART is pretty self explanatory. Get on, transfer if need be, deal with screaming children, gossiping students, listen to the snores of the downtrodden, get off train at destination. This I accomplished with no real trouble. Then I realised I would need to transfer to *dundunDUNNNNNN* a Muni bus.
Muni must come from that old Latin word for "shittiest way to travel ever". No sooner do I get to the bus stop than this drunken guy stumbles onto the platform. He immediately sets to scolding a (supposedly, not like I can really see) Hispanic child, blaming him for America's troubles. The child's mother tried repeatedly to get away by moving down the platform but he followed along, spouting off in his racially and alcoholically slurred voice. When that game tired of itself he apparently set about groping every female at the stop. I only know this because said females complained bitterly to the bus driver when he showed up, demanding the lout not be let onto the bus. Once under way The Lout proclaims himself loudly to be the "King Poet of North Beach and that he is all about Love" and he "will kick your Filthy Cunt Tourist Ass" if you disagree with him. Because, you see, he is from the "Punk and Love Era" and he "doesn't shop at Nordstrom like you filthy tourists".
I myself shop online so I do not know if I am one of the filthy tourists of whom he spoke.
As he departed the bus - mercifully - he proclaimed himself 100% sober from cocaine and heroin and that he was, once again for the latecomers, the King Poet of North Beach and that we could all go piss off.
Emperor Norton would bitch-slap this dolt back to his cardboard box, for the record.
So, with some help from a fellow pedestrian I get to my destination: the DNA Lounge in beautiful "you don't wanna be here at night in this part of" San Francisco. I could hear the sounds of things being moved in and out so I was pretty sure I was in the right place. I called B to let her know I had made it after 2.5 hours of close contact with the body politic. I also let her know I thought I was in the right place but wasn't sure; I was just following the sound of heavy objects being moved around. After I got off the phone I asked the Largest Indistinct Shape in the vicinity if I was in the right place. L.I.S. said "Yes, but you know you're 4 hours early for the concert, right?" I said yes, but "I am only one hour early for the VIP event." L.I.S.: "Oh yes, that thing I didn't find out about until I got the email THIS MORNING."
L.I.S., 'twould seem, was some sort of mucky-muck high up in the DNA Lounge food chain. After about 20 minutes of waiting and listening to others pull up to the curb, move stuff in and out etc L.I.S. comes back out to bring me inside. L.I.S. has a name. It's Dave and he is a (the?) manager of the DNA Lounge.
It is at this point that I must pause the narrative. I know, it seems like a lot of build-up but you have to know, other than the fact that just to this point I had overcome a huge mental barrier to even be there the day was pretty uneventful. I expected to wait outside for the rest of the VIPs to show up and then be escorted inside for what would most likely be a scripted, organised meet and greet, industry standard, type: vanilla, 1 each.
When Manager Dave came out to bring me inside to wait I immediately ceased being a VIP and became a VVIP. My experience would start a full hour or so before the other VIPs were even allowed inside. And they had to wait, too. I asked. Knowing this, let's move on.
Manager Dave escorts me inside to a bench of some sort along the wall on the (audience) left side of the venue. He brought me water and peanuts to munch on while I was waiting. I thanked him very much and went began the "hurry up and wait" portion of the programme. I expected nothing, I asked for nothing, I was merely content to listen to the sounds of stuff being set up and sound checked.
I don't remember which one came over first. I am pretty sure it was Thom, the drummer. He was definitely the mother hen of the group. I say this in a good way. He wanted to make sure everything was ok. Thom had heard - most likely from Manager Dave - that some blind guy had made his way from across the Bay to come to this concert. So he wanted to meet the guy who was that dedicated. Thom was really cool. He replaced my water with beer and we sat down to chat. We talked about his experiences driving across America (mostly; they did a attempt to fly to a few dates with apparently disastrous results). The Chicago-to-Austin drive was especially heinous. Watching horror movies in a darkened van on lonely highways in the middle of the night = BAD THINGS MAN. He talked about the humidity and the toads in Arkansas and the fact that touring could definitely be a shit sandwich. However the moments when things went right and there was a lot of love between audience and band offset the crapaliciousness that must be defined as "touring in a van across America".
After a bit, Thom walked off and Brendan showed up. Brendan plays guitar and sings. He said he was taking over for Thom, who had to go do sound-checky stuff. Brendan got to talking with me about my eyesight and asked how I was attempting to function. I was honest; I told him I wasn't doing that well but I was slowly coming around. He shared a story with me about a family member who was not doing well and, for reasons I won't share here, could no longer see. That led to a discussion about screen readers.
(OK, I am tripping at this point. The band are interviewing ME.)
So I turned Brendan on to the screen reader JAWS and told him that for Windows it's probably the best way to go. I gave him website info and then it was Brendan's turn to get sound check completed. Jonas (keyboards and voice) sat down next to me as Brendan was leaving. He also played guitar. I talked with him mostly about the touring grind, the joys of travel by van and got impressions about his time in America (SF was the last date of a 16 city tour). Of course he had to ask how I got to the venue so I related to him stories of the joys of riding public transportation in America (complete with King Poet of North Beach reference).
Last but not least, Stephan took some time out to come over and say hi. He was the only one who asked why I didn't bring a sighted guide or a "plus one" and I ratted you all out to him. Stephan laughs at your "trendy" label, for the record. :-)
But he and the rest of the band were more amazed at what I had to go through than I expected. It's funny. In a way we were both being modest, the band and I. "It's just what I/we do."
I got the feeling that I was somewhat of an oddity to them.*
*Subsequently found out through my rehab counselor that in a lot of countries around the world, the visually impaired don't mingle as freely with the world at large. USA is unique but not alone for its attempts to equally accommodate the disabled. My own landlord told me that if I were in China - his homeland - I would be in a home for the blind, away from society.
I got a great picture of Stephan standing in front of me after we'd been introduced - I will post it of course. Stephan didn't say much but echoed his bandmates' desire to make sure I was taken care of. I got pics with each of the band members.
I need to make this clear: I expected nothing, I asked for nothing; nonetheless I got a VIP meet and greet COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT OF, AND A HALF HOUR BEFORE, THE REST OF THE VIP GROUP.
I told Thom about a really neat guy I met when I was still living in Joshua Tree. He once advised me to "face your fear and watch it disappear". I relayed this pearl of my own personally-acquired wisdom and Thom seemed floored. I was humbled. Here I am in a situation where I am talking to this great band who sell out huge venues in Europe, see thousands of people in their travels and here they are, talking to me like regular folks. Really makes a person think about what impact they have on others while others are having an impact upon you.
5 o'clock-ish rolls around (remember, hurry up and wait) and the rest of the VIPs are let into the building. they get to sit through the rest of the sound check , mill about and generally get out of the uncharacteristically warm SF afternoon sun. Passes were handed out (my very first all access pass - wee!) and we were escorted upstairs for the "real" meet and greet, autograph session and acoustic jam. I am happy to say that 2 of the VIPs were older than me - an online radio host and her husband. Sigh of relief lol! But really there was nothin' but love. There was a pair from Georgia - unclear as to whether they traveled from GA or they were local but originally from GA. The rest of the VIP contingent drove 3.5 hours from Carson City, NV for which they earned mad props from me. The SF show was the closest one to their location. Real nice group of people.
We get to the autograph signing...I got my signed drumhead (of which a only a couple were available - GO ME) and a poster which was subsequently ganked in the signing confusion - Thom, ever the mother hen, got me a new one. Got 5 of my CDs signed too. Found out my copy of Soli Deo Gloria was, in fact a bootleg from Russia. I was embarrassed but they said it happens all the time. They had apparently dealt with this outfit before. AMG. ARGH Music Group. :-)
After I got back home I sent Amazon a nastygram, accusing them of not vetting their distributors more carefully. Darn tootin' I did.
Oh by the way, Thom's inscription on the drumhead: "Face Your Fear, Watch It Disappear.So Nice Meeting You Karl!" (altho he had spelled it with a "C" at the time. The other stuff, he got it right :-)
The acoustic setup was funny. If you can picture...as described to me by Thom they had a little mini amp (I mean really mini; it was the size of a PC speaker) for Brendan's electric guitar, Jonas was on the acoustic and Thom was playing a sort of electronic glockenspiel. An old and faithful friend, the Casiotone, would provide the beat.
Stephan admitted to feeling a little emotional for this last of 16 mini-jam sessions. It had been a long tour largely in a van that I am sure got smaller by the week but it is an indication of this man's, this group's dedication to their fans that they were feeling a little sad about going back home. When Apop says they Love You, they really do. After passing out beers to everyone (they apparently love Corona) they did their acoustic version of Until The End Of The World which I loved on the Black EP. Also: In This Together, Love To Blame, Apollo (Live On Your TV). Then more autographs.
Then it was time for the group to get dressed and time for us VIPs to relax. As I noted before I got to really know the Carson City Contingent, they got me a beer.
Oh did I mention I did not pay for ANY of my drinks the entire night? And the CC Contingent informed me that informal polling had determined that I was in fact the best dressed person in the building that night. I'm still...floored at the kindness. The USA may have a bad reputation right about now, deservedly so. But on an individual level, there is still goodness here.
The rest of the night, well it seems to me anyway to be almost anticlimactic. I expected a good show. The story, for me, was the outpouring of kindness I received from the band.
* Apop are electric in concert. They have a closeness with their fans that is rare these days, IMHO. If you are reading this in Europe, GO SEE THEM NOW. If you are in the USA reading this, go to their MySpace page http://www.myspace.com/apo
* I went down to the floor for about 3/4 of the concert - surrounded by my friends in the Carson City Contingent so I wouldn't get run over.
* I think but am not certain that one or more females used my cane for pole dances.
* Songs on the playlist included Apollo, Until The End of The World, In This Together, Mercy Kill, Kathy's Song, Starsign, Eclipse, Deep Red, Shadow, Unicorn, You Keep Me From Breaking Apart, DM's Somebody (by Jonas on keyboard a la Martin Gore), Love Never Dies, Bizarre Love Triangle, Shine On, Mourn(encore), Non Stop Violence (encore) - of course I can't remember them all. If I think of more I will add.
I sent Thom an email today. I was unclear on the changes in the band's lineup - whether they assembled a group just for America or whether the lineup changes were permanent. I hope he doesn't get mad at my confusion over the issue. I signed the note, "Aspire to Inspire".
Frankly speaking, I just don't do the fanboy thing anymore like I used to do. I will freely admit that I don't know as much about a band as I should before I go to see them. I might have even admitted this to the guys when were were talking before the real VIP event. I got a lot of flack back in the day for being such a DM fanboy, insisting on learning the most trivial of minutiae about their lives. Eh. That's a lot of work. I just like the music. :-)
I have been going to concerts for...a LONG time now. By far this is the best experience I have had. Ever.
THANK YOU Apoptygma Berzerk for a great night and renewing my faith in the Human Condition, just a little.
(UPDATE - O yay! DNA Lounge got back to me...they appreciated my feedback. Normally they just get complaints, which is too bad.)
